2. Matrix Graduate B
Prior to being introduced to Pierre and his program, I was in the depths of a serious and seemingly chronic addiction with my drug of choice, cocaine. In hindsight, I realise that I was hooked from the very first line I ever did back in the late 1990’s. However, I mistook my addiction for merely an enthusiasm for a recreational pleasure. My story is no different from thousands of others ... social use, moving to always using in every social situation ... only hanging out with fellow drug users ... using more and more ... using on my own ... hiding my habit from others ... no longer going out ... staying in behind locked doors, using and obsessing ... damaged relationships ... self harm ... delusions ... etc.
Pierre & The Matrix Programme.
My wife found Pierre for me. She had reached the breaking point due to many broken promises and failed attempts from my side to quit. I had managed to stop while my wife and I tried to conceive. However, I had immediately plunged straight back to hell almost as soon as the pregnancy test should a successful result. Pierre was almost a last stop on the road for my relationship. On meeting him, I immediately realised that he was a man that I could finally open up to and talk honestly. I also realised the overwhelming burden of shame and guilt that I had been carrying around with no outlet. In that sense, the initial meetings were a complete relief. However, I was still using during the formative sessions. Three key factors changed things for me. Firstly, the concept of “knowing your enemy” – the science, mechanics, chemistry and psychology of addiction, effects of drugs on the brain etc, etc was a fantastic enabler to start understanding and controlling my own addiction. This knowledge allowed me to understand that I was not immoral or weak, I had a disease and the disease worked in a particular way that could be managed.
Secondly, the tools to combat manage and contain my addictions. Pierre taught us a range of techniques, tools and methodologies to protect us from urges and pre-empt acting on any drug related impulses. These techniques included identifying the key triggers of one’s addiction and therefore avoiding these. In my case, my triggers included working late at night on my own in my study. So, I changed my life patterns and no longer tempted my addictions by putting myself in this vulnerable situation. Thirdly, the ongoing ritual of fellowship and meetings with one’s peers. Pierre installed this principle as a lifelong habit. Despite resisting this for longer than I should have, after surrendering to it, I found that it works. You don’t have to become a meeting junkie, but regular ongoing get togethers with fellow sufferers of the disease is beneficial, life affirming and essential. After four months, despite my own doubts of whether I could actually break free, I had done so and remain drug free to this day (despite a minor wobble after a year, which was soon rectified).
Life after the treatment programme.
How did the course change my life? Well, on all levels and in all ways because the drugs were affecting my life on all levels and in all ways. Without the drugs, the most important aspect has been the change in my relationship with my wife and my newborn baby. I am present – “behind my eyes and in my boots” as they say. I am capable of having and maintaining a relationship now. I am also much, much happier. I feel like my old self. I no longer obsess about things. I no longer waste time on absolute nonsense, such as waiting for dealers, hidings my addictions, lying to my loved ones etc, etc. The course has had immeasurable value to me and I know my wife thinks the world of Pierre and owes him her marriage and her happiness.
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